There are two main reasons why people in monogamous relationships decide they are polyamorous:
When my husband and I decided to open up our marriage, I truly believed that this decision was coming from a place of abundance of love. I thought I had so much of it that it…
One day my boyfriend introduced me to his friend Luna. The minute her and I started talking the topic of childhood traumas and therapy came up. Luna told me about the new therapist she found. He led guided psychedelic therapy sessions using various hallucinogenic substances. She said that a handful of those sessions were more effective than more than ten years of therapy combined.
Over the years therapy has become a hobby of mine. I’d been seeing a therapist on and off since I was fifteen. I believe anyone could benefit from therapy, unless they had already reached enlightenment. …
Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
– George Bernard Shaw
Changes happen all the time. The nature of life is fluid and uncertain, but we, humans, resist this part of reality. We like when things are stable, predictable, and in our control. Sure, some element of surprise is okay, but wouldn’t it be nice if we could control how many surprises we actually get?..
When my husband and I decided to open our marriage, I had a vision of what our life would be like. …
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every relationship you have.”
— Robert Holden
When my husband and I decided to open our marriage, I had no idea how everything would change. Polyamory turned out to be the most exciting experiment of my life, one that allowed me to explore my needs around love, connection, and sexuality. That type of exploration simply wouldn’t have been possible in any of my previous monogamous relationships. Suddenly, there I was — living completely freely, daring to dream, and making those dreams come true.
When I’d had a fantasy about a coworker and…
Last year at my virtual birthday party my mom raised a glass and said “There is absolutely nothing I could wish my daughter on her birthday, because her life is already perfect.”
What? Does she even know me?
Right around that time I started talking to my now ex about moving out. The world was starting to panic about COVID. All four of us were home twenty four-seven having meetings at the same time, including the kindergartner. My mood fluctuated between wanting to escape, break things, and hide under the blanket and wait it all out. To make matters worse…
Since my husband and I decided to open our marriage, I’ve been paying extra close attention to the progression of relationships of our non-monogamous friends. I have witnessed a few poly families grow stronger, but, unfortunately, a large majority has fallen apart. I hate losing people from my life, so figuring out the magic ingredients of relationship viability is extremely important to me.
I’ve noticed a few indicators of relationship success. These are applicable to any kind of relationship, monogamous or not:
Sometimes I feel terrible after particularly awesome dates. The day after is usually the worst — I experience an influx of emotions, maybe even bouts of crying or a depressive state. On the surface everything may seem normal. The date was amazing, I am home with my family, work is fine, everything is fine, yet I’m in this horrible mood for no particular reason. Shelter-in-place has further exacerbated these feelings and, although I’ve been feeling particularly down, I see this as an opportunity to dig deep and fully work through the triggers and underlying emotions.
We were having dinner at my parents’ house when my husband asked my grandma how she felt about my grandpa’s thirst for adventure and constant road trips during his life. Nobody expected what came after. She said “I know he loved going on those trips and sometimes I came along, but other times I knew his mistresses were there so he didn’t invite me.” This wasn’t shocking to me, but the rest of the family members’ jaws dropped and they stared at grandma blankly.
“Why would you suffocate anyone you love with unnecessary restrictions?”
“Of course he dated other women…
I have to hide this huge most loving part of me from most of the world, because seeing it as it is would make most of the world uncomfortable. I have to hide it from my relatives. They have a hard time processing the fact that I have tattoos, they’d most likely have a heart attack if they found out I have multiple romantic relationships at the same time.
I have to hide this huge most loving part of me from most of the world, because seeing it as it is would make most of the world uncomfortable.
In her article, Non-Monogamy: Measuring Degrees of Sexual and Romantic Exclusivity in Relationships, Anne-Laure Le Cunff defines veto as an agreement in polyamorous relationships that gives one person the power to end their partner’s other relationships. From my experience, her definition could be applied to any kind of relationship — monogamous, non-monogamous, friendship, or other.
Exercising a veto can be one of the most damaging behaviors in a relationship. Sure, there are couples that agreed to the veto power and are still together, but I’ve seen far more cases where the relationship fell apart thanks to the toxicity of the…
Stories from my personal experience with polyamory and open marriage.